So that dreading time was very rapidly approaching with my return to work. The guilt that I had about leaving my little man while he was still severely suffering from this damn reflux and leaving him at day care was eating me alive. And how was I going to cope not being around him all the time. After being with him 24/7 for just over 8 months in my belly and then almost 12 months enjoying the world. I was so torn up about having to return and never have I dreading something so much.
I had to go back to work, financially it was not an option for me to NOT work so basically I had to suck it up and deal with it! Mothers were dropping their kids at day care everyday and surviving so I would just have to take some time to do the same thing, however I wasn’t ready to go back full time. I went back to work at 0.7FTE capacity which means I worked 7 days in a fortnight. By doing this it meant that we only needed 2 days in daycare.
Monday – Jamie had Lachlan every Monday for Daddy Day
Tuesday – I have every Tuesday off so he home with me
Wednesday – Day care
Thursday – I have Lachlan alternate Thursdays and on the other Thursday my dear mum was going to drive 3.5 hours to Adelaide to look after him for the day….so eternally grateful of my mum to offer this commitment.
Friday – Day care.
We had our transition days the fortnight before I was due back at work. The Wednesday I took him into the daycare centre for an hour and I stayed there for the hour too. He took to it like a duck to water, instantly crawling around like a little mad man touching all the new exciting toys, going up to all the other kids saying hi in his own unique crazy fashion. At this stage I went through all the ins and outs of Lachlan’s condition and had a letter from my specialist in regards to the NGT and that they didn’t need to do any Nasal Gastric feeds that I was doing them overnight and during the day he was on a normal diet. I had to make sure also that all visible parts of his NGT was taped down so none of the other kids pulled at it out of curiosity….the poor little guy was covered in tape L . His second transition visit was on the Friday of that week, I dropped him off stayed for about 10 minutes until he settled in and then I left for the remainder of the hour he was staying for his transition. I knew that I couldn’t go home as it would have been AWFUL being at home without him there, so I head to the shops to have a coffee and do the grocery shopping to keep myself busy…well that was the plan, instead on my way to the shops I looked over my shoulder and my little buddy wasn’t sitting in his car seating chatting away at me, yup I lost it – burst into tears! I was already missing my little buddy like crazy. Once I parked the car I pulled myself together and went ahead with the “distract mum for an hour plan”. Once I went to pick him up he was happily sitting and playing with all the other kids and was settled like he has been coming to this new place for months on end. This gave me a lot of comfort about the place that Jamie and I had choosen. He was already feeling safe and comfortable with the people and the environment.
The week before I started back at work Lachlan has his first 2 full days on the Wednesday and Friday. On the Wednesday I spent all day cleaning the house from top to bottom, once again to keep myself distract, with a few tears from me here and there when I stopped and remembered that my little buddy wasn’t there with me. Come the Friday, I basically told myself I needed to take a teaspoon of cement and harden up a bit if I was going to do this without drama every week. So I dropped him off and for the first time in as long as I can remember I had a me day. I napped, I went and got a pedicure and a massage, I had another nap and I actually sat on the couch without being a piece of climbing equipment and watching something else other than ABC for kids. It was a lovely relaxing day but I still admit I did pick the little fella up early because I missed him.
D-Day had arrived, and Monday the next week off I went to my first day of work in 53 weeks. I knew that I was coming back to a new job as my previous job couldn’t be completed in a part time capacity. I was nervous about what work I would be doing and how I would cope being away from Lachlan the whole day.
Talk about information over load….I was given a Model of Care for Orthopaedic rehabilitation to read. This was a document that was over 300 pages long with about a font size of 11…..are you kidding me!! I’ve spent the last 12 months reading board books with one word in huge font and a picture on each page and the occasional nursery rhymes or Elmo books that has max of 20 words a page…talk about instant headache lol. This first day was Jamie’s first daddy day and I’m pretty sure Jamie got sick of my text messages and phone calls to see what they were doing and if everyone was ok! Come 4.45pm I decided I was done, my brain has reached information capacity and I was DYING to get home and see my little monkey pants. What an amazing home coming, as I walking through the lounge room door I had a massive happy scream and a little lightening bullet crawl over to me for a cuddle. Talk about melt my heart and bring a tear to my eyes – he missed his mummy J
I survived the first week….Admittedly ringing daycare twice a day to check he was ok and had settled in. They advised that he had transitioned and settled in beautifully. He was playing and interacting with all the other kids like he had been coming for months. I was so relieved to hear that he was happy and safe and not crying his little eyes out.
The day I write this, I’ve been back at work now for just over 5 months and now I’m really enjoying being back at work. I am enjoying being my own person and having my own identity again (as least just for work), I’m enjoying actually using my brain in the complex projects that I am working on and enjoying having adult conversations. Having said all of that I still even now miss my little man like crazy and my desk is absolutely COVERED with pictures of the little fella, so if I miss him I can just look up and see pictures of that cheeky little face and know that in a few hours time I will get to go home and get the same welcome home as I got that first day a happy scream with a mum mum mum and then Lachlan launching himself at me for me for a big cuddle….Naw he does love his mummy!
This is a photo of my desk wall today….yup I did mention there were a few photos up lol